John William “JohnnyCarson (October 23, 1925 – January 23, 2005)

“If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.”

“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”

“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”

“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.”

“I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.”

“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.”

“Ed and I were out last night and I asked him why he drank so much. He said he drank to forget. I asked him, “To forget what?” And he said he couldn’t remember.”

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